Bronalysis Fortress 2 Shorts
by ShadowLDrago
Summary: Sequel to Team Fortress 2: Analysis Anarchy Novelisation. Will consist of a series of related shorts leading up to something bigger. All credit goes to DrWolf001 and those involved in the project
1. Star Search

It had been several months since the last round of Pony vs Machine, and due to the, passing, of the RED Soldier, they needed a replacement.

This is why Doctor Wolf in his Engineer outfit and Commander Firebrand in his Medic outfit were behind a desk with a clipboard in front of them.

"So, you want to be on the team, huh?" asked Firebrand, somewhat rhetorically, looking at the potential candidate, as if assessing him with his eyes.

"Well, you know, I just thought that there might be a chance and I really want to be on the team!" said candidate, Filmsparks, was talking very rapidly and grinning nervously.

Firebrand looked surprised, mind trying to comprehend the words that had come out of Filmsparks' mouth.

Doctor Wolf seemed pensive "Hm, I would hesitate to have you be part of this team unless you were able to show great mental fortitude in a hectic situation-" Before he could go on however,

"I hate your mane. Rejected." Said Firebrand, and used his Krtizkrieg to push a lever which opened a trap door beneath the poor white stallion which he proceeded to fall down with a Wilhelm Scream.

The lupine engineer did not look happy "Well, that was petty of you."

Firebrand just rolled his eyes.

"Hey, I heard a Wilhelm Scream, what's going on?" asked GoldenFox, the orange Pegasus walking over to the duo.

"We're holding auditions for the recently opened Soldier position on our team." explained Doctor Wolf.

"Recently opened? What happened to Phantom Horn?" asked the phoenix cutie marked pony.

"Well, we felt it was his time to be let go, that his life's going in a different direction, that his body's part of a permanent outplacement program-"

"He died." interrupted Firebrand, not in the mood for referencing the Emperor's New Groove.

"You have no sense of tact." said Doctor Wolf bluntly.

"Cry some more." was Firebrand's clever retort. "So, birdbutt, you think you want in?" he asked the currently facehoofing pony.

"Yeah, no, I can't imagine anyone who would want to be a Soldier after hearing that." he said.

Keyframe walked in, clearly not exactly sober. "Hey, are you guys still holding auditions?" she asked.

"Whoa, you're not auditioning for the Soldier role, are you?" he asked her worriedly.

"No, I'm auditioning for Sentry number three," she said sarcastically. Firebrand and the Doctor backed up; they could see where this was going. "Yes I'm auditioning for the Soldier!" yelled Keyframe, startling GoldenFox.

"No sarcasm, dear." said GoldenFox dryly.

"Why are you so against this? I fit the role like a velvet glove! Violent, angry, fiery, joking…"

"Wha, hey!" protested Firebrand.

"Honestly, this was MEANT for me!" yelled Keyframe, starting to redden.

"Because I think it's masochistic to play this role." said GoldenFox, his own temper starting to rise.

"Oh, so NOW it's bad to be masochistic?!" asked Keyframe

Firebrand's eyes shot open 'OK, TMI.'

"Could we talk about this elsewhere?" interrupted the Doctor, as GoldenFox moved to stand beside his towering marefriend. "Like, my office tomorrow?" he suggested.

"Yeah, this has been happening more frequently." admitted the pegasus. "We'll set up an appointment ASAP." he assured him.

"Huh? But, but, wait, hon, we can talk about this! Hon!" protested Keyframe, following her coltfriend out.

"Pft, lovers, am I right?" asked Firebrand rhetorically.

'This coming from Mister 'Love Is An Open Door'.' thought Doctor Wolf, but settled for saying "Not dignifying that."

On the other side of the audition room, a certain Scottish pony was talking to a certain ditzy pink alicorn over the phone "Ma-Mary Sue, Mary Sue, listen, you really need to work on that teleportation spell of yours, you've overshot it AGAIN!" she yelled, walking in the general direction of Firebrand and the Doctor.

"You put me in the middle of, what looks like a set for some sort of lame Joel Schumacher movie." she told her friend. "Yeah, well you were supposed to teleport me to the Universal Studios!"

"Excuse me, are you here for the audition?" asked the Doctor.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY'RE THE SAME THING?!" snapped Mad Munchkin, clearly not listening to either the unicorn Medic or the lupine Engineer.

A door opened and a very familiar hippogriph in top hat and suit walked in. "Hello, hello!" he said cheerfully. "My name is Argent Featherpen. I hear you are seeking a Soldier for your lovely team, and I would like the play the part."

Neither the Medic nor the Engineer had anything clever to say to this, until Firebrand said "Seriously Silver? C'mon, we know that's you. Besides, being the Heavy isn't that bad."

What they didn't expect was a SECOND hippogriph to walk in through the door dressed in the Soldier's uniform. "Attention, maggots!" he yelled "I am here to be your new Soldier! Which is a good deal better than being that meatshield of a Heavy, and I…" he trailed off seeing Argent Featherpen. "Oh my non-descript deities!" he said with stars in his eyes "You are the smexiest thing I have ever beheld."

"Ooh, back at ya, big boy." said the pleased top hat wearer.

"Nope. I don't ship it." said Firebrand simply.

"More importantly, why are there two of them?" asked Doctor Wolf. "Is this another mirror pool incident or one of them a Changeling? Either way it might be dangerous."

"Either way, we should shoot 'em both and sort it out later." He said, pulling out his Needle Gun as the Doctor pulled out his Rescue Ranger with a smirk.

"Oh my, I never agreed to any violence, I just thought I'd look fabulous in that helmet!" said Featherpen nervously.

"You call that a firearm? I call that cold outside!" Soldier Quill seemed rather pleased with himself for that one. "Hehe, innuendo." However, in his amusement, he had made a critical mistake. He bumped into Maddie.

"Ow, what the bloody-?" she then realized her hat had fallen off her head, and in slow motion, dived to try to get it. However, it was too late. It fell to the floor and into a small pit of moment.

And then, it was in that moment that Soldier Quill knew he'd done goofed, big time.

Even the ever unflappable Doctor Wolf looked scared.

Maddie slowly walked over to the two hippogriphs, growling like a wild predator.

"Oh snap…" said Argent, visibly sweating.

"Great idea!" snarled Maddie, and with that, began the single most brutal beat down ever laid down by a Scottish Earth Pony. Neck snaps, punches, kicks, bites, throwing, even throwing around poor Vector Brony.

During this, neither of the RED team members could do anything more than stare in shock, horror, and amazement.

"Oh man, look, now see what that stupid pink alicorn made me do!" hissed Maddie.

"You're hired!" they told her in unison once she'd calmed down.

Maddie being Maddie meant that she, of course, had an eloquent reply at hoof: "Wait, what? Are you joking with this, after all this mess I made?"

"If by mess, you mean masterpiece, then abso-posi-lutely!" said the brightly colored stallion. "Wait that's not a word." he realized, then realized he didn't care.

"Plus you've shown great capability for destruction while leaving the people who insured your completely untouched." said Doctor Wolf admiringly.

Maddie blushed.

"That shows either a subliminal sense or control, or an unprecedented amount of luck." either way, Doctor Wolf wasn't about to complain. "Both of which would be a valuable asset to the team."

"Also, you destroyed the entire audition room." pointed out Firebrand, he wasn't kidding, some parts were on fire, some were in pieces and even one of the larger wooden beams fell down. "We kinda have no choice by to go with you." said Firebrand.

Maddie grinned apologetically.

"Hey guys, what are you do…" Silver Quill walked in, saw the damage, saw Maddie, and did the math. "OK, right, see you tomorrow. Running away very fast!" he said, proceeding to just that.

"Well, if it means I get the chance to introduce a little anarchy causing indiscriminate chaos and destruction while feeling absolutely no remorse whatsoever…" she trailed off mumbling then finished with a "Happy to be of service!" putting the Soldier's helmet on her head.


	2. A New Challenge?

"Haluschen, Doctor Wolf!" said AnY cheerfully, walking up to the Engineer, who was currently at a desk in the Coal Town spawn.

"Ah, there you are, AnY." said the hardhat wearing wolf cheerfully. "I was hoping we could get some good practice for our RED team members as we seem to lack cohesion in the middle of the battlefield. What do you think about having some BLU team members to spar against?" he asked the German Demopony.

'A second team, wait, this also means a second Medic, whee! Yes, zat's my chance!' he thought. "Sounds like a great idea!" he said with not entirely faked enthusiasm. "So, who is going to be in ze BLU Team zen?"

"Well, I've already gotten a few volunteers who have been begging for a chance to join the team someday. I figured this would be a good chance for them to show their skills." he explained to the surprised German Demopony.

"Wait!" he asked, starting to panic, "You didn't already cast-"

"Guten tag AnY!" said a new voice cheerfully, and there, dressed in the uniform of the BLU Medic, was none other than GoldenFox's marefriend, the lanky orange unicorn, Keyframe, who was grinning, visibly pleased with herself.

"Aw, mangled manticore mane." he muttered, looking rather displeased.

"Ah, right, you two already met on the battlefield, didn't you?" he asked.

AnY flashed back to when that had happened, he had just tricked Keyframe into thinking she was the RED Sniper, and had just finished laughing his head off at her claiming she was going to change classes, "Oh yeah, pray tell wha..." he trailed off seeing the tall unicorn wearing a beanie, an eyepatch, a RED outfit, and holding a Grenade Launcher in her verdant magic aura. She'd switched to Demopony.

His laughter tapered off quickly into nervous chuckles. He then decided to do something very intelligent. Get the heck out of Dodge, or in this case, Coal Town, with a "Meep meep!" as Keyframe chased him around laughing madly, and taunting him as she blasted him.

"Yeah, kind of, I may have played a funny prank on," he paused, tapping his chin with his hoof, to Keyframe's confusion, and growing irritation "on… Screwballer here." he finished, gesturing at her with his left hoof, somewhat dismissively.

That made Keyframe angry. "OK, prepare to get syringed to Tartarus!" she threatened, pointing her Syringe gun at him at point blank, making AnY flinch back.

"Wait! Isn't a Medic supposed to HEAL ponies?" he asked.

"Who told you that?" asked Firebrand, having appeared out of nowhere, startling Doctor Wolf.

"Wait a minute, how did you get in here?" he asked.

"How did who get here?" asked Keyframe, confused.

"Firebrand!" he exclaimed, turning, "He's right, there." he finished, seeing nopony.

Firebrand decloaked next to Gibbontake, giving him back his Invisi-Watch "You're right, that feels awesome!" he said.

Doctor Wolf sighed, dropping the matter for now "Look, I hadn't really expected there to be such an animosity between the RED and BLU team members, I just wanted there to be a good chance for us to practice and improve our skill. Can we please focus on some teamwork building here?" he asked, crossing his arms.

"Sorry Doctor." said Keyframe, still in her affected German accent, hanging her head, then lifting it to look at him "But you try to practice teamwork when the pony you're working with can't even remember your name despite working with them for almost 6 months!" she yelled, accent slipping, and irritation rising, much to AnY's distress. She let out a grunt of frustration "I don't get you, you Germane idiot!" she leveled her Needle Gun at him making him flinch back "Why can't you remember my freaking NAME?!"

"OK, OK, put, zat thing away, Keyframe." said AnY sternly, not exactly in the mood to get shot.

"Whu, what did you call me?" she asked, stunned.

AnY gave her an annoyed look through his eyepatch and glasses "Have you ever seen any of my April Fools videos, or my leaving the fandom video? I am a troll! You wore a nametag as a waitress in the Rift Cafe," he said, referring to the cafe where most of the analysts hung out sometimes. "I knew your name before I ordered my first cup of coffee from you."

"So, you actually know who I am?" she sounded genuinely touched.

"Well, duh, you draw all my title cards, don't you?" he asked, rhetorically.

"Honestly, I never thought you thought much of them." she said, now blushing slightly. "Since you seem not to remember my name."

"Well, I'm Germane. Messing with ponies is what we do." he explained. "Or is it just me?" he wondered, then realized he didn't care.

"So, you really like the stuff I do for you?" asked Keyframe softly.

'Okay, AnY, play it cool, she goes with Golden now, and ze last thing you want to do is to be too nice and give her the wrong idea.' he said to himself. "Yeah, well, they are okay, I guess." he smiled.

Keyframe just chuckled "Thank you, AnY."

"As glad as I am that you two have finally reached a bit of a consensus, " Doctor Wolf interrupted "I hope that means you are willing to give Keyframe a chance to show her skills, AnY?" he asked. "I'm still hoping that introducing some BLU team members is going to improve our cohesiveness on the battlefield."

"I think it will, Doc." smiled Keyframe, then her smile turned slightly predatory, "Now, my one-eyed Germane friend, " she said, putting on the accent once again "are you ready for another round?" She pulled out her Kritzkrieg.

AnY scoffed, pulling out his own Grenade Launcher "Bring it on." he said, as the two went off to practice. "Your fake Germaneness has nothing on my fake Scottishness." he said, then cleared his throat and in his idea of a Scottish accent, loudly proclaimed "Zey make take away our lives, but zey will never take our freedom!" he said, thrusting his Launcher into the air enthusiastically.

"Oh, fake Scottishness eh?" asked Maddie, coming up behind him with a dangerous grin, "That's cute, AnY, that's really cute. You like Braveheart do ya? Well," she chuckled and pulled out the Claidheamh Mòr "I'll show you a REAL brave heart!" she yelled, fire in her eyes. AnY, being the smart being he was, ran for his life. "Also, shouldn't I be the Demo?" she asked, chasing after him.

"You still run like a pregnant mare, Keyframe!" The Demo taunted.

Keyframe chuckled, "Vouldn't you know, honey."

"No, but I bet D would." he said, referring to his discorded alternate counterpart who had a, thing, for Keyframe. This earned him a Bonesaw to the face.

"Ow! Ah!" he groaned in pain, having been knocked down by the powerful blow.


	3. You Gave Who A Rocket Launcher?

In the Badlands, in Doctor Wolf's office, a particularly peculiar pony dropped in.

He was mainly bright red pegasus with a black tail with red highlights on the edges and a black mane with red tips. He wore black horseshoes and bands on his upper front and back hooves, a deep red top hat with a black band near the base, and a black scarf wrapped around his neck.

His eyes were blueish green and his cutie mark was a microphone crossed with a writing quill. His name was ToonKriticY2K, an analyst.

"Hey!" He greeted jovially. "I heard you were looking for some BLU team members to spar against." News apparently travelled quickly in the Brony Community.

"Why yes." Said Doctor Wolf, the diminutive canine said with a smile from behind his usual desk. "I do remember you were hoping to show your skills." His look turned pensive. He put a hand to his chin, with one arm propping up his elbow and looked up in thought "Although, have you spoken to Eliyora about this yet?" He asked. Eliyora was ToonKritic's marefriend and the RED Pyro and well, she had a notoriously violent temper.

ToonKritic blanched, but quickly recovered "Huh? Oh, oh, yeah, yeah," he said nervously, eyes darting around and chuckling nervously "She's uh, she's totally on board for it!" He lied, "You know, team building exercises, against one another, with uh, with guns..." He trailed off briefly "What could be better, right?" He asked rhetorically with a nervous grin.

Doctor Wolf didn't look convinced. "Are you sure about that? I've seen what happens when Eli gets angry and I'd much rather direct that anger away from me." Eliyora was a good teammate and a good friend, but, even Doctor Wolf feared her wrath.

"Mhm! You got nothin' to worry about Doc, I'm one of the best players you can ever afford to get." He said confidently.

"I see." Said Doctor Wolf pensively. "Well, at the very least this would be a good opportunity to show your skills and I like the idea of having friends as sparring partners than enemies." He pulled out a contract from one of the drawers and put it on the table for ToonKritic. "Just sign on the dotted line so that we know you understand all the risks involved." He said.

ToonKritic pulled a feather quill similar to the one of his cutie mark out of his hat and dipped it in ink, ready to sign.

Elsewhere in the Badlands, Eliyora suddenly felt mad. "I feel mad. Why do I feel mad? Is something happening?" She wondered, then it occurred to her "Where's TK?" She asked, advancing over to Doctor Wolf's office.

ToonKritic had just finished signing the contract and letting a drop of his blood fall onto the petri dish that would be put in the respawn generator so that if he died in game, he wouldn't die for good. "Sweet! Ah man this is gonna be so cool, I'm have a bazooka and an outfit, and I'm gonna shoot stuff..."

Doctor Wolf just smiled in amusement, said amusement faded quickly when his door was promptly broken down by none other than a livid Eliyora.

"TOONKRITIC!" She snarled, Axetinguisher held in her purple aura.

Both the red and black pegasus and the greyish wolf suddenly felt utterly terrified.

"Let me guess," said Doctor Wolf in a disapproving tone, putting 2 and 2 together. "You didn't talk to her about this?" He asked, though he knew the answer.

"It's a possibility that I may or may not have-yes." He said, seeing Eliyora's axe getting very close to his face.

"What the * _yay*_ do you think you're doing?!" Demanded the brown furred Pyro, axe still felt aloft.

"Uh, " he chuckled nervously "Hey, babe, uh, good to see you! I was just uh, signin' up for some TF2 practice?" He said, sweating bullets.

"Signing a bloody contract with with Doctor Wolf implies you're settin' up for the whole frickin' shebang!" She yelled.

"Well, I wouldn't quite say that, I mean..." He quickly shut his trap seeing the Axetinguisher's edge millimeters away from his muzzle.

"Lie to me. Go ahead. See what happens when I get lied to." She snarled dangerously.

"Oh no, I've seen what happens when ponies piss you off, " he said "Kinda hot though," he added to himself, "But hey, I just thought it'd be fun, y'know if, uh, you and me got to go out and, shoot stuff. As a means of, " he paused briefly, mind racing "team building exercises, right?"

"Mister Toon." interrupted Doctor Wolf, moving out from behind his desk "The whole point behind hiring BLU team members was to improve our cohesion on the battlefield." He said simply. "This is _not_ what I had in mind." He said sternly. "However, there surely must be a way to work this out so that everyone can feel better about it." He said reasonably.

Eliyora still looked annoyed at her beau.

"Well, I saw how much fun you were having the last time and I thought to myself 'Hey, this could be fun, fighting alongside one another, or against one another...'" He grinned nervously. "I just don't get to see you often enough, babe, I just wanna have fun."

Eliyora's anger melted away and Doctor Wolf smiled a bit.

"That's what I want most." Finished the pegasus.

"I do miss us doing things together and it would be nice to be able to enjoy games together but," she paused, collecting her thoughts "How much do you even know about TF2?"

"Oh I know lots, I've been doing stuff like this for years!" He said confidently. "Just not against other ponies." He admitted. "But hey, computer schmuter, I got this." He said with a cocky grin. "You got a star player to go against, honestly what could go wrong?"

So Eliyora accompanied him to the BLU spawn so he could get his outfit and pick his Rocket Launcher. As this was his first time, he'd only be using his Primary Weapon. "All right Toon," she told him after he'd donned his uniform, a blue jacket with 2 hand grenades strapped to them and an unstrapped brownish green helmet. "The Soldier is one of the two classes capable of explosive damage, the other being the Demopony, only difference is, you only get one explosive launcher, anyway, " she opened the supply cabinet displaying an array of various rocket launchers, "The Soldier has a lot of choices, there's the stock Rocket Launcher, can load up to 4 rockets, nothing special, just regular rockets, can do a lot of damage at point blank, but since your rockets hurt you if they go off too close to you, I don't recommend it." She pointed at the stock Rocket Launcher, as she said, nothing special, but deadly in the right hooves. "Next up is the Rocket Jumper, doesn't do any self damage but it doesn't hurt your enemy either and has a larger ammo capacity."

"So what's the point of it?" He asked.

"Simple. Rocket Jumping." Said the Pyro.

"What?" Asked the bewildered Pegasus.

"Rocket Jumping. You shoot a rocket at your hooves to propel yourself in the air. Valid tactic and pretty deadly if you know how to."

"So, why doesn't the Jumper hurt me when all the others do?" He asked.

"Simple. Compressed air rockets." Said Eli.

"Oh. That's kinda useless since I can already fly though." Said ToonKritic.

"Good point. Next is the Direct Hit, it doesn't have as big an explosion radius as the stock, but if it DOES hit dead on, it's going to hurt a lot more, and it also does extra damage to airborne targets." She explained.

"Sounds interesting, but not my thing." Said Toon. "Hey, what does this one do?" He asked, pointing at a rectangular rocket launcher.

"Huh? Oh that's the Black Box, it heals you if you hit someone with your rocket but it only has 3 rockets in the clip-"

"Mine!" Said Toon, grabbing it, surprised at how light it was.

"You sure about that?" Queried the brown mare.

"Hm? Oh yeah sure, trust me, being able to heal by hurting is really useful!" Said the crimson and black pegasus.

"If you say so, now go out there and show us what you can do, I'll be observing your progress with Doctor Wolf." said Eli, trotting out of the BLU spawn, the mechanism that prevented the other team from entering offline as they weren't in mid fight.

"Whoo yeah, Shoot everything! Shoot everything!" Crowed Toon, firing his Black Box randomly. He looked like he was having the time of his life as evidenced by his manic grin and mad laughter.

Naturally, shooting rockets randomly everywhere meant that one eventually came back and hit the ground near him, sending him flying. "Oh, OK, I'm alright." he said weakly.

Doctor Wolf looked less than impressed and Eliyora looked worried, then facehoofed. "Doc, is he reminding you of Phantom Horn?" She asked.

"If he isn't improving by the end of the day, I'm going to have to find someone else." He said simply, not in the mood for a loose cannon that didn't know what they were doing. He then walked away, scribbling on his notepad, followed by Eli.

"Oh for f*squee*s sake, come on! I totally got you that time!" He protested, having missed another rocket.

"Babe, what are you even doing?" Asked Eli, coming up behind him. "You do know you need to aim, right?"

"Of course I do!" Said Toon.

"Then, why aren't you?" Eli deadpanned. "You're not stupid, come on, I've seen you play shooters, what's going on with you?" She asked. She then barely dodged one of Toon's own rockets.

"Ow! Motherf*squee*! That really hurt that time!" He hissed in pain "Ugh, OK, maybe I'm just off my game today. Or this piece of crap isn't wanting to work with me." He said, shooting his weapon a dirty look.

"Nevermind, I see the problem." Facehoofed Eliyora. "Keep moving, watch our back and AIM when you shoot." She told him. "If you don't, then your tail's gonna get blown off faster than Silver Quill runs from me when I'm ticked off!" She said with a vicious grin and brandishing her weapon.

"OK. No pressure there, Allons-y!" He exclaimed, and fired a rocket at his feet and spread his wings, then fired a rocket at a Scout bot and a Pyro bot, sending both flying.

"Haha! Now that's what I'm talkin' about!" He said triumphantly. "Woo!"

Eliyora just sighed, and applied her hoof to her face. "3, 2, 1..." And right on cue, ToonKritic got hit dead on by a Direct Hit crit rocket courtesy of a Soldier bot, leaving him on the ground, battered, bruised, and with the tip of his tail on fire.

"FYI, arrogant hotshot idiots don't last long either." She told him, blowing out the small fire on the tip of his tail.

ToonKritic rose, fury in his eyes, "OK, that, is, _it._ Why don't you stop shooting the noob huh? If you even _think_ about shooting me again, I'm going to rip off your face and use your body as my new Black Box and then I'll show you _all_. I'll show _all_ of the RED team what happens when you mess with Mister ToonKritic. _Ya gots it?_ " He hissed, eyes slowly turning a fiery orange in pure rage at his rant went on.

Dr Wolf had come to check up on him and much like Eliyora, was completely stunned by ToonKritic's speech.

"Well then," Eliyora chuckled darkly "That is more like it! Sounds like he's stepping up his game!" She said, sounding exceedingly pleased. "Guess that means I'll have to also. Can't go letting him outdo me after all. Gotta keep it on equal footing!" And with that, she went to join him in sparring practice.

"Interesting, he may have quite the learning curve, but if this actually helps Eli become more efficient than I guess this can work after all." He chuckled slightly "Learn something new every day."

"WAVE COMPLETED. WELL DONE." said the voice over the speakers.

ToonKritic flew over to where Eliyora was and stowed away his weapon. "Babe, did you see how far that guy went when I shot him? He went flying!" He said in a sing-song tone, obviously having enjoyed the round.

Eli just grinned "Please, it's way more satisfying to see them slowly burn to ashes in front of you. You can enjoy their screams that way." She said with a manic look in her eye.

"Oh you are so cute when you're angry." He said.

"You're way hot when you're ticked off." She said, and then they kissed.

"See ya on the battlefield next wave..." She said, trotting off.

"Oh yeah. It. Is. ON." promised Toon and went off to join her.


	4. There Can Only Be One!

Author's Note: Sorry this took so long

In Doctor Wolf's office in the Badlands, the Doctor was talking to a rather large stallion, tan hide, unshorn fetlocks, dark brown mane and tail with red highlights and a saw and arrow crossed together cutie mark. His name was Vector Brony.

"Before we continue, " began the sole canine "would you happen to have an up to date life insurance policy?"

Before the stallion could answer, a pink blur slammed into him, sending him flying. "Ooh! You guys are doing a thing, I wanna do the thing, can I be part of the thing?" asked the overexcited pink pegasus. She had a paw mark for a cutie mark and a frizzy blonde mane.

The Doctor simply watched Vector soar away, before turning to her, "Uh, Miss Bloom, I was already in the middle of interviewing an applicant here." he said.

Sweetie Bloomed ooohed. "Application for what?"

"We're looking for new additions to the BLU team for TF2." he explained.

"Oh yeah, I think I've heard of that, can I join?" she asked.

"Well," the Doctor pondered, "How much do you know about the various forms of combat we go through here?"

"Uh, one second." she said and zipped away. There was the sound of explosions, bullets, things being hit, and various other weapon sounds.

"I am now proficient in gaming combat." she stated.

Moans of pain and of "My leg" outside disagreed.

"Sort of." she amended.

"OK, " said the Doctor slowly. "Do you have any idea how to use a shotgun?"

"Point 'n shoot?"

"What about a cloaking field?"

"Why, is the field cold?" she asked.

Doctor Wolf looked down at his clipboard, unable to tell if she was serious or if she was being purposefully oblivious.

There was an explosion outside that made the wolf jump, as well as various moans of pain.

"Sorry about that!" Sweetie Bloom apologized.

"Perhaps building a teleporter?" suggested the Doctor.

"I canna do it Captain!" she said in a vaguely Scottish accent.

"Oy!" said the wolf. "Look, Miss Bloom, I appreciate your willingness to contribute, but at the very least we need individuals who show _some_ knowledge on how to use the equipment we have here." he said, arms crossed. "Is there anything that you think you can handle?" he asked.

Sweetie Bloom pondered this.

"Hi, I was just dissecting a hippogryph, don't have a license, takes me a while, and suddenly a pony comes careening through the wall from an explosion and I accidentally cut off a limb, what's up?" asked Doctor Firebrand cheerfully.

"Oh. My bad." said Sweetie Bloom, not sounding very apologetic. "I was just trying to figure out which weapons I know how to use." she then had a thought, wings flaring out. "Actually, that reminds me, I've had some practice using this." she said, pulling a sword out of hammerspace to Firebrand's alarm. "You remember this, right Firebrand?" she asked with a wide grin.

"Yes, you tried to throw the sword at me like Prince Phillip, but smashed furniture instead." deadpanned the Marine. "Whether that's from you having the depth perception of a cyclops, or the throwing leg of a filly, I'm not sure." he said.

"Not a fan of my throwing leg, huh?" she asked, slowly approaching him with the blade. "Well maybe I'll do better in close quarters. Practice makes perfect! I'll show you what a filly can do!" she growled and began to wildly swing it around at him.

"Hey!" yelped Firebrand, "Wait! Waitwaitwaitwait, I didn't mean for that to come out sexist! WHY!?" he bawled.

Sweetie sighed, walking back over to the Doctor "I dunno, I guess I'm not experienced enough. Sorry about wasting your time, have fun with your project." she said, having dropped the sword.

The Doctor looked up from his clipboard with the various classes and their weapons. "Y'know," he said, stopping her from leaving "I think we actually DO need someone who's decent at melee, randomly breaks out into a Scottish accent, and occasionally makes things explode." Sweetie Bloom looked ecstatic. "And good depth perception is not a requirement."

So Sweetie Bloom was put in the outfit of the BLU Demomare, or rather Demoknight, armed with the haunted Eyelander sword, the Sticky Jumper to help her get a boost, and the Ali Baba's Wee Booties for extra protection, she was ready for combat. She also wore an eyepatch because according to her, "eyepatches are cool"

The Doctor walked over to Firebrand, less than impressed. "You're actually a trained soldier, how do you keep getting beaten like this?" he said, at a genuine loss.

"I refuse to fight mares. They're soft." said the crimson medic.

"Didn't you once stab Eliyora? Repeatedly?"

"Hey, she was already dead, that doesn't count." the Medic protested.

"Dead?!" asked the shocked Doctor.

"She got better." said Firebrand softly.

"But, aside from that being impossible, you make it sound like pain and death don't have consequences!" said the confused canine.

"This is TF2. They really don't." deadpanned the more experienced of the two.

Silver Quill hobbled in with one of his back hooves in one of his talons. "Reattach this. _Now_." he demanded.


	5. Eye On The Target

Keyframe, the BLU Medic was leisurely walking out of spawn, humming to herself when suddenly, "Keyframe!" said a voice, startling her, as her coltfriend, the orange pegasus GoldenFox landed in front of her. "Just what do you think you're doing?" he asked.

"Oh hi Goldie!" she said cheerfully "Just getting an upgraded Syringe Gun from the Mare Co Store, you never just play with the defaults, y'know?" the orange mare chuckled.

GoldenFox facehoofed. "No, I mean, what do you think you're doing in this death trap?"

"Well I _AM_ the BLU Team's Medic, dear."

"What?" GoldenFox's voice rose a bit, much to Keyframe's surprise. "This place is beyond dangerous, I can't let you put yourself through this!" he protested.

"You know, AnY and Silver Quill are happy I joined!" said Keyframe, turning her back to GoldenFox.

"I don't give a feathered flank about what your other ships think. I don't think you should be here." said GoldenFox simply, while he and Keyframe were a couple, Keyframe was often jokingly shipped with virtually everyone else.

"Well, frankly dear, ya can't stop me." she pointed out. "Now, you better leave, there's a reason Civilian never made it past Beta."

"Well then. I guess I just have to become more than a civilian." said GoldenFox to himself, and entered the Doctor's office.

The hatted Engineer looked up from his usual clipboard, seeing GoldenFox enter. "Ah, Mr GoldenFox, what a pleasant surprise-"

"Save it Doc!" interrupted GoldenFox. "How could you let Keyframe join this group?" snapped the orange pegasus.

The Doctor blinked and then frowned, crossing his arms "Hello to you as well." he said, visibly annoyed, then continued, "Keyframe has shown a lot of interest in joining the project since it's conception and I've felt that mixed with her experience in the game, she'd be a good fit for the BLU team." he explained.

"How so?" snapped the irritated pony. "It's a warzone out there, literally! You're willing to let her out there and nearly get herself killed?"

Doctor Wolf scowled at him again "My apologies Golden, but she made this choice of her own volition." Plus, if she did, there was the respawn generator, so long as it was active and she was in range of it, she'd just respawn if she died.

GoldenFox sighed, "Well in that case, allow me to join in as well." he asked.

"Are you sure?" asked the dubious Doctor. "This doesn't seem like your type of game." he pointed out.

"Anything to protect Key." said Golden firmly. "So, what class should I be to help her?"

Doctor Wolf pondered this "Well, I would say that the one with the most power and interaction with the Medic would definitely be the Heavy, but-"

"I'll do it." interrupted GoldenFox.

Doctor Wolf blinked a few times "But-"

"I said I'll do it!" snapped the pegasus, wings flaring out aggressively. "Now what does this class use, a pistol or something?"

"Well, not quite." he said, and led him over to the armory and the Heavy's section and showed him the standard Heavy weapon. A minigun the size of the Doctor.

"I have to carry THAT?!" asked Golden incredulously.

"They don't call the class the Heavy for nothing." the Doctor pointed out.

There was an explosion outside, making the pegasus jump.

Keyframe laughed "Nice try AnY! You almost got me that time!"

"Heavy it is." said Golden.

The Doctor sighed, "As you wish." he said, and went to wait in his office.

A few minutes later, GoldenFox all but waddled in, the minigun strapped to his side, visibly struggling.

"Mr GoldenFox, do you really believe that you're capable of performing any combat on the battlefield with this?" said the doubting Doctor.

Golden lay down for a moment, "What? I'm fine, I'm fine. This isn't too heavy, let's just get out into the field."

"All right then." the Doctor shrugged, pulling out his Wrench.

However, poor GoldenFox yelped in surprise as he crashed through the wooden steps leading up to the Doctor's office, courtesy of Sasha's weight. "I'm OK!" he said, somewhat woozily.

The Doctor sighed in disapproval "This will not end well."

Keyframe was doing what she usually did, running around the battlefield, running around, spreading the healing and keeping her teammates alive when she noticed a very familiar figure carrying a gun as big as he was.

"Hi honey!" said GoldenFox, forcing enthusiasm into his voice.

"What?!" was Keyframe eloquent and well thought out response. "Fox, what are you doing here, and, why are you carrying around Sasha?" she asked, thoroughly bewildered.

"This thing has a _name_?" asked the incredulous stallion before verbally backspacing "Uh, I mean, um, I'm carrying Sahsa because I'm the new Heavy." he explained.

There was a moment of silence, and then Keyframe exploded into hysterical laughter, "Oh, oh Luna you're not serious." no response from GoldenFox. "You're not serious." she repeated, hoping it was a joke. "Oh Luna you're serious, babe, you can't be the Heavy!" she said, realizing he wasn't joking.

"Why not?" he asked.

"Well for one, that thing weighs more than you do." she pointed out. "There's a reason Silver is the RED Team's Heavy." Silver was frequently subjected to slapstick, but being a hippogryph meant he was still very strong. "Second, you barely know ANYTHING about the game."

"I too know about the game!" he protested.

"Oh yeah, well name the 9 classes." challenged the towering mare.

"Oh well there's the Heavy, the Medic and the Engineer, and I think one of them is Prench?" he guessed.

"OK, I'm talking to the Doctor." said Keyframe, turning to do just that.

"Babe, babe, babe, please, give me a chance, I just wanna help out!" he begged. "Maybe I'll start to see why you like this, stuff, so much." he grinned pleadingly at her.

Keyframe sighed in resignation "You have to have those pretty blue eyes." she said with a smile. "OK, you can stay. Just, make sure to watch out for yourself. I can handle myself, you don't need to hover me." she reminded him.

"MISSION BEGINS IN 20 SECONDS." came the Administrator's voice, making GoldenFox jump.

Keyframe grinned "C'mon, let's see what you got!" she said eagerly, running off, GoldenFox lagging behind her, struggling with Sasha's weight.

 **5 minutes later…**

"You walked right in front of that Sentry!" Keyframe scolded her coltfriend once the round was over and he'd taken off his minigun. "What were you thinking?!"

"I was just trying to protect you from Maddie!" he said, referring to the RED Team's Scottish Soldier.

"That was Maddie's body from a previous round." explained Keyframe in annoyance. "I shot her with my Crossbow!" she said, referring to her Crusader's Crossbow, her ranged weapon of choice. "Ugh!" she huffed, briefly steaming from the ears. "Why do you feel like you need to protect me all the time? You KNOW I'm perfectly capable..." she trailed off in realization. "Wait. Wait, wait, wait. You don't think I can fight, do you?" she asked, eerily calm.

GoldenFox's pupils shrank as he realized just how this was going to end for him "What, no! I, I, I just think with all these fighters you may get overwhelmed." he said, trying desperately to defend himself.

"Overwhelmed?" echoed Keyframe, again frighteningly serene."Overwhelmed? Well let me tell you something, baby." she said, holding out her Crossbow in her aura and gripping GoldenFox by the front of his shirt to look him in the eye "I have almost 300 hours of this game under my belt in just 2 months." She said, and shot Gibbontake in the face at point blank with a random crit bolt without even looking at him. "I have almost all of the Medic achievements." she shot Eliyora in the face, another random crit. "And I have Übered up more than you've pomfed your wings!" she snapped. "So, " she let go of his shirt "With the love that I have in my heart for you Goldie, please, back OFF!" she said and walked away.

GoldenFox waddled into Doctor Wolf's office, much to the surprise of the lupine leader of the RED Team. "GoldenFox? Didn't you want to practice more with Miss Keyframe?" he asked as GoldenFox took off Sahsa.

The stallion sighed "I quit, Doc. I can barely lift this thing and Key has saved my hide more than I tried saving hers. I should leave her be, but, I can't stop fearing that something will happen to her." he said, the Doctor letting him vent.

"Well, if you're willing to listen to reason now," he began, Voice of Reason poking his head in, thinking he heard his name. "I do have one class that may be the perfect fit for you."

"Keep talking." said a very interested GoldenFox.

Keyframe ran around the battlefield and fired a shot from her Crossbow, only to discover it was empty. "Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no!" she panicked, looking around for a health pack.

"I feel like kind of a tool for doing this, but that Rarity drinking game shaved YEARS off my life." said Silver, his amicable smile turning into a very annoyed frown as he revved up his gun to shoot her, only for a shot to ring out as a bullet went right through his head.

"Huh?!" asked a dumbstruck Keyframe.

"For the record, you didn't even accept that challenge, bird brain." said a very familiar voice, GoldenFox dressed up in the BLU Sniper's outfit, complete with the shades and smug grin.

"That sir, is racist." he informed the stallion, before dying.

Keyframe chuckled "Thanks honey, you saved my flank." she said with a small blush.

"No problem, babe." said GoldenFox, approaching her. "Uh, nothing personal of what I originally intended, right?" he asked. "I mean, if I get good at this, I'm sure there won't be a problem later on."

"It's OK hon, I forgive you and, I'm, sorry for, saying what I did." she smiled "The mission's about to end, keep up the good work honey." she said, running over to a nearby ammo pack that had just respawned.

"So, do you think this role can be a compromise between your protectiveness and Keyframe's independance?" asked Doctor Wolf.

Just then, the Administrator announced that the BLU Team had won the round.

"So," began AnY, "I guess your German-ness was acceptable." he said. "And you know, you can really pull off that labcoat, Keyframe." he told her. "If you ever want to get ze true German experience however, I'd offer a private tutoring less-" he was cut off by a bullet through the head courtesy of GoldenFox's Machina, much to Keyframe's not entirely faked annoyance.

GoldenFox chuckled darkly, the shot having made Doctor Wolf jump. "I think it will be Doc, I think it will be."


	6. Suited for Subtlety

In the Mare Mining Co facility in the Badlands, also known as the territory used by teams RED and BLU for practice, Doctor Wolf, the RED Engineer was conversing with Firebrand, the RED Medic.

"Y'know, I've been looking through our applicants for the BLU Team, and I feel like we're missing a lot of star power." said the Medic.

"Is that really so important though?" asked the hard hat wearing wolf.

"But of course." said Firebrand, piquing Wolf's curiosity. "We're a business, we've gotta have some resource to overmilk and overmarket." he pointed out.

"Well, who else do you think would make a good fit for the BLU team?" he asked.

Firebrand merely smirked and pulled on the rope of a curtain that had been hiding something to reveal a light blue pegasus mare with 3 cards on her flank, one with a smiling face, one with a winking smiling face, and another smiling face. She had a chocolate brown mane with a mustard yellow stripe going through it and eyes hidden by sunglasses. An ethereal choir sang a long note as two white rabbits with halos and angel wings descended to the side of her on strings.

"Was that really necessary-" began the Wolf only for ILoveKimPossibleaLot, or KP, to interrupt him as Firebrand tucked the background and curtain away.

"Yes! That was entirely necessary!" said KP.

"It's a funny pony thing. You wouldn't understand." said Firebrand.

"OK then." said the unamused wolf. "So Miss Possible, what can we do for you?" asked the Doctor politely.

"I don't really know anything about this game, so, I was told the Sniper was awesome. I wanna be that." said the motor mouthed mare.

"I'm sorry, but that's taken." said the Doctor.

KP frowned in disappointment. "But that's like the coolest one out of all the ones! Ugh, what about, what is it, the Demomare?" she tried.

"Taken." said the golden maned stallion simply.

"What about the Doctor, I mean Medic?"

"Taken as well." said Doctor Wolf.

"What about a Soldier-"

"Taken." said Firebrand almost gleefully, earning him a glare and an annoyed "Ugh" from KP.

"OK, what hasn't been Niam Leesoned yet?" she then asked, mispronouncing the celebrity's name.

"Well, we have the Pyro,"

"A what?" asked the mare.

"The Heavy," he suggested, gesturing to the massive minigun that was Sasha.

"How am I supposed to lift that?" she asked, not unreasonably.

"The Engineer," the Doctor suggested once more.

"Ew, maths." she said, getting a frown out of the Doctor and a sarcastic "Thank you." he then regained his composure "There's also the Spy,"

"Pass."

"And finally the Scout."

"Oh you gotta be kidding me, that's it?" asked the pegasus with an annoyed flare of her wings.

"Hey first come, first served." said the gleeful unicorn. "Snooze, you lose. Early bird gets the wor-!" he was interrupted by KP smashing a chair on his head.

"Well I'm sorry to say, but Firebrand is correct, these are the only vacancies we have." said the RED Engineer, to KP's disappointment. "I'm afraid you'll have to pick one of these five or you won't be able to take part."

KP growled in frustration. "Ugh, fine, I'll take the girl Scout."

"All righty then. I'd recommend shadowing Miss Rose, she's very friendly and patient and would gladly show you the ropes of the job." said the canine.

"Whatever." said KP, going off to get suited and armed. Meanwhile, the Doctor walked over to the stallion, and asked "Are you alright Firebrand?"

"Mommy, he followed me home, can I keep him?" he asked deliriously.

KP went to the armory and put on the BLU Scout's outfit, and noticed a distinct lack of weapons, so went off to find Ink Rose, she'd probably give her her weapons.

The dark red pegasus was fluttering in the air in excitement.

"I'm really excited that you're going to be the Scout with me, KP, this is going to be so much fun!" she said, brandishing her bat and swinging it in front of herself for emphasis before landed, the pegasus folding her wings and putting away her Bat. "Here is your Scattergun," she said, handing her the firearm. "It's technically a Shotgun, so you have to shoot at close range to be effective," she said turning around and pointing to the wall in front of her to emphasize her point. "And there's also your-" she stopped, seeing that the mare was gone. "Sidearms?" she finished in confusion.

Voice of Reason, Eliyora and AnY, the RED's Sniper, Pyro and Demopony respectively were having a small dance party to an instrumental version of Apples To The Core only to be interrupted by a loud "CHAAAAAAARGE!" courtesy of KP who was running straight at them only to be shot in the head, knocking her back, courtesy of Voice. They then continued dancing.

"Ugh." said KP, returning, much to Ink's annoyance. "Why did you do that?!" she asked.

"You said I needed to be at close range to be effective." said KP as if it were obvious.

"Yes, but you can't run in a straight line, if you're predictable, with your movements, you're basically asking to get shot." countered the more experienced of the two. "And as the class with the least amount of health, you can't afford that."

"Oh." deadpanned KP.

"All right, here's something that might help." said Ink, passing her a can of BONK! Atomic Punch. "This is BONK. It gives you temporary invincibility." she said, closing her eyes, it also tasted REALLY good. "The only downsides are that it takes a long time to recharge and you-" KP was gone. Again. "KP?"asked Ink in confusion. "KP?!" she asked, louder and more surprised.

KP walked right behind Maddie, invincible courtesy of the effects of the BONK she'd just drank. "Hey, if you're related to leprechauns, why aren't you green?" she asked her, pointed her gun at her, and pulled the trigger. Nothing. "Wait, what's going on? Why can't I-?" then the BONK ran out just as Maddie had pulled out her Rocket Launcher.

KP ran away screaming as Maddie chased her away with rockets.

"What'd I do wrong _this_ time?" asked KP, annoyed.

"One, the BONK doesn't last forever. Two, you can't attack while under its influence, don't ask, video game logic. Three, you revealed yourself, you have to take them by surprise, hit and run. That sort of thing. Now, let me give you your last weapon." she said, passing her a baseball Bat. "This is a melee weapon. They are for when you run out of ammo, or they provide a utility that could help the team." she said, closing her eyes. When she opened them, KP was predictably gone, not having listened. Again. "She's gone again, isn't she?" she sighed in frustration. "I need to talk to Doctor Wolf about this." So she went to do just that.

"Ah, Miss Rose, how is KP's training coming along?" he asked.

"Abysmal. She keeps trying to jump into the fray, grandstand and make a show out of it not realizing that this kind of behavior as a Scout will get you killed."

"Oh dear, where is she now?" asked the Wolf.

"Doing what I just said." said Ink, deadpan.

There was a large explosion nearby.

"Hm, those happen a lot around here." said the Doctor to himself, going to investigate the explosion, too big for even an Air Strike Barrage.

"Ugh! Why can't I do anything right?" griped the pegasus.

"Well, allow me to offer a theory." said the Doctor, coming up behind her. "Miss Rose observes that you have a lack of, " he paused to find a polite word "subtlety, when it comes to being a Scout. Perhaps shadowing a Spy who is required to be subtle will help you to be a better Scout." he proposed. "Does that sound reasonable?"

"But I hate being subtle." said KP, to the Doctor's annoyance. "Just, just, whatever, I'll do it." she conceded.

"You can't just kill willy nilly." Gibbontake told her. "You have to make sure that your targets are distracted enough and killing them won't attract undue attention." he explained. "Observe." he said. KP did so.

Gibbontake stealthed his way toward Silver Quill, without even having to use his Disguise Kit or his Dead Ringer, and pulled out his paintbrush to do something to him before KP said "Yeah, bored." and began to brain Silver Quill with her bat repeatedly. Silver's response was to pull out his minigun and rev it up in her face. A shot rang out as Silver was shot in the head again by GoldenFox.

"Hey, nice distraction, KP!" he complimented his teammate.

"Distraction?" asked KP excitedly.

"Indeed. It seems that you are very talented at drawing attention to yourself and somehow getting away completely intact." said Doctor Wolf. "Even though you might not be suited to the typical Glass Cannon role of the Scout, perhaps we can have you break out of the traditional role and provide utility that no other teammate can provide."

"My job is to annoy the living daylights out of people? I can do that!" said the excited mare.

The Doctor then noticed Silver's corpse.

"You guys should probably get this cleaned up." said KP.

"Agreed." said the Doctor.


	7. The Cuter They Are

In the Badlands, a rainbow colored sphere appeared, slowly floating to appear near the ground, and intoned a single sentence: " _ **TASTE THE RAINBOW, MOTHA-**_ " it was quickly cut off by dissolving into a beam of rainbow that sent a pony careening into a pile of supplies with a crash bang and a thud. The pony was a bright white pony with oddly large ears, a pair of flight goggles, both wings AND a horn, an oddly paint brush like tail with a rainbow tip as well as her black hair ending in rainbow colors and oddest of all, she was abnormally short even for a pony. "Ugh, ten times. This is the tenth time this week!" she griped to nopony in particular, dusting herself off and getting up.

On her way, she crossed Maddie's path. "Oh, look at the little alicorn," teased the Scottish rocket launcher wielding pony. "Aren't you cute?" she said, immediately getting an annoyed look from said alicorn. "Where is your tiara?" she asked, her tone halfway between a demand, a taunt and a question.

"Hi Maddie." said the alicorn with a slightly strained smile, possibly due to the rocket launcher the Scottish mare carried and due to the 'cute' comment. "Nice to see you too."

She continued on her way to wherever she was going and bumped into the other Soldier, ToonKritic. "Oh Celestia, it's an alicorn OC! Kill it with fi-!" he said, and aimed his Black Box at the diminutive pony, much to her fright. "Oh." he realized. "Wait, never mind, it's just little Bliss." he chuckled, "This is adorable. Are you trying out for the BLU team?" the red and black pegasus asked.

"Cut it out, Toon." said Bliss, visibly losing patience. "You seen the Doc around?"

"Aw, that's too cute! You're actually going to try out!" said Toon, highly amused by all this. "What are you gonna do, shoot them with Rainbows?" he said, forgetting about the Rainblower, which was just as deadly as any Flamethrower, before bursting into laughter. "Oh, that's great, that's great. Oh that's rich!" he said, not seeing the look Bliss was giving him.

"Ugh!" she growled. "Forget it!" she said, and took off.

Voice of Reason was practicing his aim, when a rainbow colored something got in his scope, obscuring his line of sight of ToonKritic's head.

"Oi! What are you bloody fruit shop owners tryin' to-"

"Oh, sorry about that!" apologized Bliss. "I'm trying to find the Doc, have you seen him around?" she asked.

Voice wasn't listening as Bliss's flicking tail had turned his jarate rainbow colored. "Rainbow colored Jarate." he mused. "I like it!" he said in his Australian accent.

"Hey, no touchie!" said Bliss, turning around and bringing her tail closer to her before Voice could touch it.

Bliss landed on the ground as Keyframe approached, the Medic looked surprised. "Oh hey Lighting Bliss, what brings you here?" she asked.

"Oh, it's you Keyframe." said the rainbow alicorn visibly relieved. "I'm trying to find Dr Wolf, but nopony seems to be helping me." she explained, then scowled "Or taking me seriously for that matter."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that Lightning," said the BLU Medic sincerely. "Trust me, I getcha. They never take anything seriously here, it's always 'How's the weather up there, Keyframe, you're only gonna heal birds with your Medigun, Keyframe, can I hide in your lab coat Keyframe, can your horn get radio signals, Keyframe, Miss Keyframe, for the last time, you can't use a bloody Bonesaw to make sandwiches!'" she ranted. "Oh ho ho, but they'll see Lightning, oh they'll see," she chuckled darkly, "They'll see, what Keyframe can do!" she said with a maniacal and somewhat unhinged laugh, which promptly stopped seeing that Lightning Bliss looked very nervous. She sighed "What I mean is, you get used to it over time." she said with a squeaky grin.

"Yeah, I guess you're right, anyway I was hoping you could point me in the right direction to Doctor Wolf?" asked Blissey.

"Yeah sure, his office is right beyond that building right over there. Look for the one covered in bird marks." she said, pointing at a somewhat nearby building.

"Uh, OK then, well thanks a lot." she said and began to walk off.

"Oh, just one more thing before you go." said the tall orange mare with an evil grin.

"Oh? Something I can help you with?" asked the small alicorn.

Doctor Wolf was taking stock of what weapons and classes the BLU Team had left when Lightning Bliss fluttered into the Doctor's office looking supremely unamused, a light red bow in her mane.

"Ah, Miss Bliss, I'm surprised to see you made the trip all the way to the Badlands."

"Rainbow Travel has its perks. And its disadvantages." she deadpanned, lighting her horn up to remove the bow in her hair.

"Is something troubling you, Lightning?" asked the Engineer. "You don't seem like your normal cheery self today."

Lightning Bliss gave a sigh of great frustration. "Doc, I came all the way out here to talk to you about the editing portions of this project-"

"Ah! No breaking the Fourth Wall please." the Doc reminded her.

"Oh, sorry, right." she grinned sheepishly. "Anyways, soon as I get here, I am met with cuteness over cuteness comments. Not once has anypony here taken me seriously, I just don't get it. I can be VERY determined, if not a serious pony," she said, only to trip over her own tail and fall face first onto the ground. "Ouch." she groaned. "I meant to do that." she lied, getting up and dusting herself off. "But you understand me right, you take me seriously, don't you?" she asked Dr Wolf hopefully.

"Of course I do, Miss Bliss. I very much appreciate all your contributions to our work here. Though I suppose I can understand that feeling of wanting to be taken seriously when so many ponies can't seem to focus on anything other than how adorable you are." said the Doctor soothingly.

"Right! It's 'cute this and cute that, oh look how cute your ears are, or your cute little rainbow tail,' I am sick of it! Son of a basket beating bulldog! I am so frustrated I could just-" Lightning Bliss was promptly interrupted by Silver Quill walking in and asking "Hey Doc, have you seen my-" he paused seeing the little alicorn. "Oh hey cute stuff, kinda short for a pony, aren't you?" he joked. Dr Wolf ducked for cover.

Lightning Bliss's lip began to twitch in sheer rage, she'd been on edge since she'd gotten here and that comment had just pushed her over the metaphorical edge. She began to growl angrily, magic powering up and eyes turning a blank white. She grabbed the handle of a nearby Minigun, presumably for the BLU Heavy in her magic and pointed it at Silver's head, revving it up. "Call me cute, I dare you, call me cute, one, more, time." she growled.

"Wait is that a dare or a request?" asked Silver "I need to be sure because, word choice is kind of important right now." he said very nervously.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up a minute," said the Doctor, moving up to Blissey, "You can hold that minigun?" he asked incredulously.

"H-huh? I guess." said Lightning, unconcerned by the minigun's weight.

"And that doesn't weigh you down at all?" asked Wolf, visibly trying to comprehend this, even Silver struggled a bit with his own Minigun.

Lightning Bliss spun it around in her magic effortlessly. "Huh, not really, no."

"That, is, " the wolf paused in thought, "you know, I think I might just have something that might help others to take you more seriously from now on."

"I'm seriously afraid, does that count?!" asked Silver, clearly terrified of the idea of the small and obviously powerful alicorn now wielding a minigun bigger than she was.

And thus, Lightning Bliss was made the BLU Team Heavy.

GoldenFox was walking towards BLU spawn for reasons of his own when he saw Lightning Bliss in full Heavy outfit, carrying the now renamed Starlight in her magic, effortlessly, even humming her own theme song. "Oh you've gotta be kidding me."


	8. Stop Helping Me!

In the Badlands, in Doctor Wolf's office, sat an ocean blue pony with similarly colored eyes, a white cap covering his head and mane, a straw colored tail, a green backpack with a sword in it and a crossed sword and bat for a cutie mark, sporting a wide grin.

"So Finn," began the wolf. "Based on this application, I can clearly see that you're incredibly enthusiastic about applying for the position of BLU Team colt-servant."

"Yes indeed I am!" Finn's voice was somewhat low, but yet at the same time carried an almost childlike enthusiasm.

"You do realize this job involves intense amounts of manual labor, correct?" Wolf was not about to let anypony apply to this without knowing what they were getting themselves into.

"Not to worry, Doc, I'm prepared for the worst of the worst!" Finn was nothing if not enthusiastic.

Wolf's eyes shot open seeing all the stuff he'd somehow packed into his backpack, including a bucket, a mop, and for whatever reason, a bowling ball.

"Well, I can easily see that you have the drive for this position, I suppose since you're the only applicant, maybe you should be the one to get the-"

"Oh thank you, thank you, thank you so much Doctor Wolf! I promise to be as servile and on the ball as possible! I'll fulfill my team's need faster than you can say 'Thanks, pally!' you'll see!" and with that, he gallopped off to do just that. There was a high pitched scream. Finn closed the door, and ran out the other way, leaving Dr Wolf quite unsure as to what the heck had just happened.

"Well, we'll be seeing him later." said the Doctor, returning to his ever fascinating clipboard.

On the battlefield, it was practice as usual, Sweetie Bloom was sneaking up on Silver Quill with a broken glass bottle, she raised it above her head to swing it at the hippogryph, only for Finn to yoink it from her hoof "I'll take that empty bottle off your hooves, Sweetie!" he said enthusiastically.

"Huh?" was Sweetie's eloquent answer. "Wait, Finn, I-"

"Don't you worry about it, Sweetie, I always remember to recycle!" he said, and put it in a green recycling bin. "Keep this planet of ours a'livin!"

"But, but..." protested Sweetie, only to hear one of the last sounds she wanted to hear, Silver's minigun revving up.

Sweetie Bloom respawned in the BLU spawn room courtesy of the respawn generator, the range of which spanned the entire Badlands.

"You failed." the voice over the PA mocked.

Sweetie growled, taking out her Eyelander.

On another part of the field, KP was running up to Keyframe, she had very little health left and with no nearby health packs, she needed the orange mare's Medibeam.

"Medic! I need that, that thing you do." she said, collapsing on the floor.

"You know after zis you should get zat stutter checked out." said Keyframe in her best Germane accent. "It's really weird."

"Hup! No need to waste your precious Medigun charge on on this patient, Key!" said Finn, "Allow me." he said, ignoring Keyframe's protests.

"Let's see, some minor cuts and bruises here, a framing here, and" he accidentally detached one of KP's legs. "Didn't expect that to come off. Well I'm sure that if we fix it with some bandages, you'll feel right as rain!" he told KP cheerfully, not having noticed how Gibbontake had taken the opportunity to literally backstab Keyframe and run away chortling.

Keyframe respawned and let out a scream of frustration, face turning red and literally steaming from the ears.

"There ya go, good as new! Now let's see who else needs my help." said Finn, rushing off, not having noticed how he'd left KP looking like a mummy. VoiceofReason arrived and decided that just for the sake of adding insult to injury, threw a jar of rainbow colored Jarate at her.

In the Doctor's office, the BLU team was complaining about Finn.

"He totally ruined my surprise attack!" grumbled Sweetie.

"Since when does zat, schweinehund, zink he's more qualified zan I to administer medical attention? I didn't drop medical school for nothing!" griped Keyframe in a German accent.

"I swear, by the end of this someone besides me if going to be mummified." muttered KP.

"He burnt my shake!" protested Toon, incredulous, how did one even do that?

The other three gave him an unamused glare.

"What? Don't act like you guys never wanted to be served food in the battlefield." he said.

"Everypony, please try to calm down." implored Dr Wolf. "I'll see what I can do about this."

"One hot tea with 2 sugars and a twist of lemon!" said Finn, giving the Doctor a cup of the stuff.

"Oh, um, thank you kindly Finn." said the Doctor.

"Oh no, thank you Doctor, I feel like I'm such an asset to the team as the BLU team colt-servant."

"Colt-servant?" asked GoldenFox, very confused. "I thought that position was a joke."

"Clearly it was." said Keyframe, dropping the accent. "And we're the butt of it." she said.

"I'll handle this, everypony." said Dr Wolf. "Please just go back to training."

The others obeyed with various levels of reluctance.

"How do you even burn a shake?" muttered Toon to himself, which in all fairness, was a good question.

"I've honestly never felt like a true team player until this day, I'm sure I made quite the difference in the lives of my BLU buddies." said Finn with his usual energy.

Dr Wolf gave him a sideways glance and said "You could say that. But perhaps your eagerness in providing help to others would be best suited in a different fashion." he said, getting an idea.

"What do you mean?" asked Finn.

"I think I may just have the perfect job for you."

On the battlefield, Lightning Bliss was panting heavily, she was low on health and out of ammo for both her minigun and her shotgun which she carried around just in case. "Great. Just great, you might as well paint a target on my flank." no ammo boxes around and she really didn't want to try getting back to spawn.

"Dispenser, going up!" said a new voice. Bliss looked up and saw Finn the Pony, dressed in overalls, wearing a yellow hardhat and currently whacking a Level 3 Dispenser with his Wrench. He'd built it earlier and was setting it up near Blissey, restoring her health and ammunition.

"Oh, thanks, Finn." said Blissey, very relieved. "Thought I was a goner there for sure."

"Happy to help." said Finn with a smile, "Now come on, let's get to the end point. If we follow my plan, we'll have this patch in the bag!" his enthusiasm was infectious and Bliss couldn't help but smirk, only for it to drop when Finn came back to her asking "Uh, does this PDA come with GPS?"

After Bliss helped him find the way to the end point, setting up his Dispenser where it wouldn't be immediately shot, they met up with Keyframe who had full Uber ready. "OK, go!" Finn told them.

Keyframe Ubercharged Blissey, and the two ran around, cackling madly and making other silly noises, attracting the RED team to their position, just as the Ubdercharge ran out, right in front of Voice who had a clean shot in Bliss's head and Firebrand who had a perfect shot on Keyframe.

"So, what exactly was your plan here, gobstopper?" the RED Medic asked Bliss.

"What?" she asked innocently, her tone of voice immediately putting them on edge. "Don't I make a _cute_ little distraction?" she asked. The BLU team in its entirety had snuck up behind the duo.

"Thanks for the teleport, Finn!" said GoldenFox.

"Don't worry, this will just hurt a LOT." said Sweetie with a dark chuckle.

"Clever girl." admitted Voice of Reason.

"Well done." said the voice over the PA, much to the Doctor's pleasure, all's well that ends well.

Now, Finn the Pony was the official BLU Team Engineer.

"We're still getting a colt-servant, right?" asked Toon hopefully.

"No." The Doctor shot the idea down.

"Aw, fiddlesticks." Toon pouted.


	9. To Be Or Not To Be?

In the Badlands, Firebrand trotted up to Dr Wolf. "Hey Doc, what's up?" he asked jovially. "What's that?" he asked, gesturing to his ever present clipboard.

The Doctor sighed "It's Gibbon's resignation form." he said, referring to the RED Spy.

"Huh?" asked Firebrand, confused. "Why?"

"Uh, it says right here, 'Left to become a pirate.'" said the Doctor.

There was a moment of dead silence.

"OK then. So, we're down a Spy. That's not good." said Firebrand, master of the obvious.

"What do you mean?" asked the Doc.

"Well, Keyframe's been complaining about certain members being..." he paused to find a way to say this politely.

On the battlefield, ToonKritic landed on the ground "Oh yeah, come on, broski, show me what you're made of-!" he promptly got shot in the head by Voice making him fall flat on his face. "Medic!" he wheezed out.

"Hey, ya big brutes, run run run as fast as you can, you can't catch me, I'm the-" she noticed a rocket headed towards her far too late, which sent the pegasus flying. "Seriously burnt girl scout cookies." she said, somewhat delirious. "Medic!" she called.

"Um, talk?" said GoldenFox unsurely, before getting shot, making him fall on the ground below "Ow! Son of a, Medic!" he called.

"Burdensome." Firebrand finished flatly.

Keyframe walked in, visibly exhausted from running around everywhere. "Doc, " she wheezed, "sorry to sound so blunt, but can you possibly maybe, kinda, sorta, if you don't mind, hire someone who isn't a walking, talking, BULLSEYE?!" she yelled, at the limit of her patience, surprising both the Doctor and Firebrand.

She then collapsed to the ground in exhaustion. "I think I landed on my Crossbow." she muttered. Firebrand pointed his Medigun at her just in case.

"Ah yes, now I see what you mean, Firebrand." deadpanned the wolf. "Perhaps we have enough meatshields and distractions and could likely use a character of subtlety to fill in one of the last 2 slots for the BLU Team. Now that I think of it, we'd actually have even teams then." he said to himself.

Just then, a new pony entered the room, the unicorn was a shade or two lighter than Finn, had a brown mane and tail, styled somewhat neatly, a pair of glasses, a bright red vest and a pair of tragedy and comedy masks as a cutie mark, indicating an acting special talent. He cleared his throat. "Excuse me, is this where auditions are being held for-" he paused, seeing the collapsed Keyframe.

"Uh, Keyframe, why do you look like you're ready for beddy-by?" the stallion asked.

"Oh hey, Daddy, will you read me the story about how Angel got his devil horns?" she asked, delirious from fatigue.

"Uh, yes, this is where applications can be turned in but, if I may ask, who are you?" the sole biped in the room asked.

"Oh, uh, sorry, how rude of me, " the stallion apologized. "Name's Thespio, Doctor Wolf, actor, singer, dancer, etc. I heard through the chain link fence that a select few of my good friends happened to spend their free time out here and I thought to myself, 'hey, maybe I could join the fun.'"

"So you have personal connections to some of the teammates we've recruited here?" the Doctor asked as Firebrand helped up the sole mare in the room.

"Oh absolutely. I've worked with KP a few times, I've known Eliyora, GoldenFox for quite a while, and me and Keyframe here are pretty tight." Thespio elaborated.

"And we should care about that why?" asked Firebrand dismissively.

"Why?" frowned the actor, twitching briefly, "Why?" a chuckle, and another twitch, "Well, isn't that what being a team is all about? Y'know, knowing each other's strengths and weaknesses for better cohesion on the battlefield?" another chuckle and more twitching. "Also, not to sound rude or anything, but uh, " another twitch, more violent this time. "I kinda hate hate being left out of a thing that my friends are a part of, y'know?" another forced chuckle, more violent twitching. "And uh, I'd be lying if I didn't say I'm pretty hot to trot if you know what I mean." more forced chuckles, another violent twitch.

"No, we don't. And as a medical unprofessional, you might want to get that eye twitch looked at." said Firebrand.

"Listen, Mister Thespio, while it is good you have a plethora of references with you, I'm afraid we don't have any positions open at the moment that fit your apparent need to garner attention, so I'm afraid I'll have to-"

Keyframe interrupted him before he could go on. "C-come on Doc, come on!" she said with forced cheer. "Let Thespio give it a try, like he said, I've personally known him for a while and I know from experience that he is great to work with!" she chuckled nervously "Also, uh, I think we kinda owe it to the colt to, well, y'know, " another nervous chuckle. "saved my life, plus he's, uh, he's got a great mane!" she wasn't wrong. "I mean, come on, so poofy."

Firebrand sighed and said "Well, I suppose we should trust her opinion. All right, show us what you got, hipster." he told the starry eyed Thespio.

"Oh, yes sir! OK, how about this?" he cleared his throat and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his muzzle, pulling out an eyepatch and putting it on "If I were a bad Demopony, I wouldn't be standin' here discussin' it with ya, now would I, ya piece o' cripe?!" he said in a loud Scolttish accent, waving an bottle around, then taking a drink from it, then sighed in relief.

"I mean, can you shoot a gun." said Firebrand in annoyance before getting interrupted again.

"Oh! Wait, wait, wait, I know!" he said, clearing his throat and pulling out a bat and affecting a Boston accent as Silver walked in. "Hey, pop quiz, how long does it take to beat a moron to death? BONK!" he said, swinging it forwards, but accidentally hitting Silver, knocking him to the ground. He put the bat away. "Oops."

"OK, first off, I'm not cleaning that up. Second, would you just simmer down for a second-"

"Oh, wait, I know!" Thespio interrupted again. "My personal favorite." he said, putting on a hat. "Here's a touching story mate, once upon a time, you died, and I lived happily ever after. The end." he said in a low gravelly voice with a Horsetralian accent.

A loud buzzing sound interrupted him, courtesy of Firebrand, starting the hat off the blue pony. "Yeah, bring down the curtain there, Rob Schneider. This is an actual battlefield, not a middle school play, we're kinda looking for somepony who ISN'T a Mardi Gras float with hooves. That's what we have KP for, anyway." he said.

Thespio growled angrily.

"Listen, Thespio, we do very much appreciate your enthusiasm-" he said before getting interrupted by a sputtering Keyframe.

"D-d-doc!" she interrupted, with a nervous giggle "Can I speak to you in private?" she asked, dragging him away by the back of his overalls.

"Ow, goodness, what is it Keyframe?" he asked, crossing his arms.

"Look Doc, you _need_ to indulge him for your own good, I mean, he's a great colt and all, but, let's face it, colt's got an ego the size of Silver Quill's losing streak." she said, as Silver walked by with an ice pack over his head.

"Y'know, you guys are the reason I'm one of Doctor Wolf's favorite patients." he told her.

"I apologize for my bluntness, Keyframe, but I struggle to see how that's our problem." said the diminute canine.

"Some days I wonder why I should get out of bed. And then, the bed explodes." commented Silver.

"It _will_ become your problem." snapped Keyframe, magic flaring briefly. "Trust me, if you don't stroke his ego, he will force you to stroke it. In very unpleasant ways." she warned him.

"Define unpleasant?" asked the canine.

"Oh, really? Tying me up and dangling me over a pit full of lava sharks? OK, that would be slightly threatening if you weren't cutting the rope with the frickin' Connvier's Kunai? You _do_ know that's the worst Spy knife, right? And since you clearly lack the finesse to facestab me, that makes you completely usele-"

"Full marks for creativity, well done!" said the Doctor, rushing in. "Also, I have to say, some new, information, have been brought to my attention, and I've had time to process your earlier, remarkable display of talent."

"You're kidding, you're kidding, right?" asked Firebrand in disbelief.

"We'll talk later." said the Doctor through gritted teeth.

"Oh Great and Magnificent Thespio, I think we have have a position for you that requires your superior acting skills as well as your unique intimate close knowledge of the other teammates." said Dr Wolf with forced enthusiasm.

"Go on." said a very pleased Thespio.

"Hey, could you let me down? My nose is starting to bleed." said Firebrand.

Ink Rose was relaxing on the field when a voice caught her attention, she saw Firebrand walking towards her. "Hey Ink, after ze next vave is done, you vant to go get ourselves some ice cream and talk about Celestia's fillyhood? Mein treat!" 'Firebrand' actually Thespio with a Firerband disguise on asked in a bad German accent.

"Daaw, that's so sweet of you, Fire-" she paused, "wait, when did you adopt a German accent?"

Firebrand said nothing, then "Peekaboo!", and threw her off the edge.

"Nothing personal, I just had to shut you and your headcanons up." said Thespio, now dressed in a blue striped suit and balaclava mask, let loose a short maniacal laugh, and ran away.

"Who was what guy!?" shrieked Ink in surprise.

"I smell the cloth of a white flag." said Eliyora, walking around with her Flamethrower ready to go, "Hey Prenchie, I'm feeling hungry for some Spy flambe, so you better-" she trailed off, seeing Big Macintosh where she could have sworn Thespio was not a second ago.

"You wouldn't hurt me, would you, my little apple dumpling?" asked Big Mac innocently.

Eliyora sputtered and put her weapon away "No, of course not, sweetie, I wouldn't dream of it." she said as the tall stallion approached.

"Eli! That Big Mac is a Spy!" cried out Voice in an Horsetralian accent.

"Horse bend, uh, wha what?" asked Eli.

"SURPRISE, DUMBELL!" cried out Thespio, facestabbing her. "Who's the prettiest unicorn now?" he asked, laughed madly, and ran off.

Finn was busy trying to fix his Dispenser which was currently frying due to a well placed Sapper. It then exploded, much to his annoyance.

"Verily and forsooth, Finn." said "Dr Wolf" approaching Finn. "Our predicament is quite important and unpropitious."

Finn just scowled and smacked him with his Wrench, revealing him as Thespio.

"You have done well." admitted Thespio, pulling out his stock Knife, "All right, go time, mano y mano!" he said, only for Finn to smack his knife right out of his hoof with his Wrench.

"Uh dude, if you're gonna be a Spy, you're gonna need a better strategy than that. You see, being the Spy is all about stealth and deceit, you have to be sure to play your enemies into your hooves, 'cause even the slightest wrong move could result in your demise." he told the now annoyed Thespio. "Especially if you're using old school weapons like the-"

"Oh nuts to this." said Thespio, pulling out his Ambassador, and shooting Finn in the head.

"Eh, I guess that works too." said Finn, and fell over, dead.

"Wow." said Thespio after a beat. "I just killed one of my own team members… " he said, dropping the French accent in shock. Dr Wolf hadn't bothered with an anti Friendly Fire measure because he hadn't thought it necessary. "Yet I have no regrets!" he said and began to cackle maniacally and started chasing both BLU and RED to the Ode to Joy playing in his head, chasing around Blissey riding GoldenFox, chasing a retreating ToonKritic who was out of ammo, even chasing KP and somehow keeping up with her, even trying to backstab Lightning Bliss only to miss her due to her Rainbow Travel all while cackling about "Oooh, a stab sytab here, a stab stab there, ahahahaa!" To him, it was glorious.

Dr Wolf, Firebrand, and AnY were watching from above, out of Thespio's reach, watching him descend into madness. "Ude ande Schadenfreude." said AnY, pulling out his Grenade Launcher to see if he could get a hit on Thespio to make him respawn, hopefully snapping him out of his madness.

"Indeed." said the Doctor. "This is, quite a display. What do you think, Firebrand?" he asked him.

"Well, he still needs a little practice, seeing as he's about a subtle as The Mask." pointed out the crimson Medic.

A gunshot rang out across the battlefield "YAHOOHOOHOOHOOOY!" cried out Thespio as he was sent flying across the battlefield from a high power rubber bullet meant to send ponies flying, courtesy of a very annoyed GoldenFox. He then landed on his face. GoldenFox approached him and told him "Ha, that's for trying to move in on my mare, buddy." he said smugly.

"Oh come on, Fox, that was 3 months ago and I said I was sorr-ahahaa!" he screamed as another high power rubber bullet sent him flying.

"But if anything, I find his pain and the pain he inflicts on others incredibly amusing." said Firebrand, only to see Thespio fall in between the 3 of them. AnY pointed his Grenade Launcher at him, Firebrand got his Medigun out in case he needed to pop uber on himself or one of his teammates to escape the psychotic Spy.

"Sacré bleu, mon croissant just got burnt." he said deliriously.

"OK, you are overdoing the Prench a bit." said AnY, leaving, seeing as he had calmed down, more or less.

"No seriously, the croissant I was going to give everyone as a peace offering got burnt to a crisp." said Thespio, pulling out and throwing away a burnt croissant. He then started laughing hysterically. "Oh wow, I haven't had this much fun since I danced alongside BlackGryphon and Apple Bloom during Pony Palooza!" he said, referring to two moderately famous celebrities who were known for being rather sociable. He laughed again, much to Firebrand's annoyance.

"Ugh, for the last time, nopony cares about you-" he was promptly given a reminding smack by Doctor Wolf "You really, you did? I, h-how did that go, that sounds very interesting." he asked, quickly shifting gears.

"Are you absolutely sure having him on the BLU Team is a good idea, Keyframe?" asked Dr Wolf.

"Better to have ze draconequus be your ally zen be in his path." she reminded him. The two looked at Thespio who was chuckling, chuckling turned to laughter, which turned to mad cackling.

"We're doomed." the Doctor deadpanned.


	10. A New Challenger Approaches

In an unknown location, somepony was watching the various misadventures of RED and BLU on a series of screens. Currently, he was watching when Dr Wolf proposed the idea of a BLU Team to AnY. After a while, he had enough and pressed a button. "Miss Pauling? Get me the Horsetralian." he said, and waited. Sure enough, the phone near him rang. He picked it up.

The voice that came through was an Equestrian affecting a horrible Horsetralian accent. His greeting sounded a little something like this: "'Ow are you, Helen?" the voice asked.

"Ugh, that accent, why can't anyone get it right?" he muttered to himself and then said "Please don't call me that, Mr Katt." he used a voice changer to make his voice sound like that of a mare's.

"Crikey, darlin', to what do I owe the honor?" DustyKatt asked.

"It seems I have a small situation in need of your unique skills."

"That's nice of ya, Helen, but you know, I've just eaten." he said with a cheeky grin.

"Not those skills, Mr Katt." said the annoyed stallion on the phone. "This is a matter of honor. And profit." he said, appealing to the mercenary's greed.

"Ooh, my kind of buzzwords! What's in it for me?"

"Oh, I've left you something downstairs." said the stallion.

Somewhere Top Secret…

Dusty Katt opened the vault, revealing a small amulet, it was triagularish, gunmetal grey, with a red diamond at the center, two black and red wings spread out from the side, and a unicorn head from the top and two straps meant to go around someone's neck. The Alicorn Amulet, said to grant untold power to the wearer. Dusty Katt looked at it, grinning, and put it on, briefly glowing red, before a hat materialized on his head, with crocodile teeth lining the sides of it, gaining a pair of pants and a belt, massive dark chest hair in the shape of Equestria, a long flowing mustache, a dark purple wisps of black magic coming out of the sides of his eyes. "DUSTYKATT!" he screamed, announcing his presence to the world with a maniacal laugh.


End file.
